Guy in the game I'm running this weekend wants a sand ocean. Here is that sand ocean. Some of this comes from my friends because my friends are secret geniuses.
- Pod of evil sand dolphins. Live on sugar and blood. Fiendishly intelligent. Can jump to incredible heights, knock people off boats like the last scene of Piranha. Music soothes them, especially the haunting elegies of the crab people.
- Trading convoy running oil and fireworks to the goblin marches where they will trade them to the goblin queen for delicious goblin sugar. Heavily guarded. Captain one-eyed, jittery, sees goblin agents everywhere. First mate a goblin agent.
- War-confectioners from the temple-city of Sucropolis in hot pursuit of a thrashing sandwhale, brandishing candycane harpoons.
- Goblin pirates in balloon made from inflated pig. Equipped with spiked telescopes, cherry bombs that they will drop from height. Slow and vulnerable to strong winds, exploding.
- Spotted by a lake drake. All you see is a couple of frightened sand-otters, plowing though the sand and leaping into the boat, while a shadow briefly flickers across the sun. Lake drake has dusty blue underside, camouflaged against sky. Will attack next time you get into any serious trouble or otherwise show weakness.
- Very tip-top of black pyramid now sunken beneath the sand. Investigation reveals entrance into random Zelda minidungeon.
- Mummies paddling life-sarcophagus, refugees from sunken tomb-barge ferrying dead to final resting-place in the Sunset Lands to the west.
- Silicon serpent. Like a fistful of optical fibres with points of light at the end. Feeds on vision. Will try to abduct someone, drag it back to nest in rocky outcrop then drink and digest their sight over a period of days before letting them go, blind but otherwise unharmed.
- Floating jungle island harbouring goblin anarchists, rebels against the iron-fisted rule of the goblin queen. They all wear tricorn hats. They can supply you with a navigator that will take you to the Driftwood Citadel of the President of the Goblin Republic, Gobespierre
- Skeleton ambassador from the Sunset Lands on secret mission to the Driftwood Citadel. Under orders to offer Gobespierre the support of the Red Pharaoh, but stymied by the fact that she can't find the bastard.
- Poor, innocent sand-manatee being bullied by evil dolphin arseholes. Anyone within a mile radius that isn't a total cunt must save on hearing manatee-song, seeing manatee, thinking about manatee, else be completely overcome for a turn with the haunting, melancholy refrains of manatee agony.
- Anti-mirage. Looks like another boring patch of sand until you're run aground/drowning at which point you suddenly realise that it was all an illusion. You're now surrounded by tranquility and abundancy but your boat is totally fucked up.
- Your favourite thing just got stolen by a sand dolphin. It got about half a mile into a maze of Sarlaccs before getting eaten. Is it worth edging your way through the maze and figuring out how to get shit out of Sarlaccs?? It better be, or this encounter fucking sucks.
- Envoy of the goblin queen's not-quite-finest sailors attack you for even thinking of stealing their precious rock. Totally ridiculous; you don't have a clue what their precious rock is and besides it'S yOUR RoCK HOw DARE TheY ATtEMPt To ClAiM iT KILL ThEM KILL THEm ALL.
- Acrid fumes vent from the ten dozen chimneys climbing the side of a small mountain. Congenial skeleton alchemists run this sulfur mine, and would happily grant you an experimental jawbreaker cannon if you could just clear out the mild corpsegrinder infestation.
- Crab people at local oasis are hosting a birthday party and a funeral at the same time, as per tradition. Causing a scene at the funeral would be incredibly rude. Failing to attend the party would be ruder. You can't figure out which one is which.
- Tomb-barge is on a cruise of the highlights of the silicon sea. The undead crew mistakes you for lost passengers, attempt to sink your boat and drag you to your rooms. They politely nod and smile as you insist that you're still alive, make patronising jokes about you with the other mummies.
- Group of shit assassins sent by goblin queen to hunt down Gobespierre. Won't stop saying "Oh man, anarchy, hey? Can't get enough of it! Yep! We all just totally love anarchy!!" One of their number is actually a really good assassin, hoping to get an in when this group gets captured.
- Ankheg circus. Ankhegs jumping through hoops, balancing on balls, failing to totally murder every one in the vicinity. All very impressive. Ringmaster planning arson for insurance money.
- Wizard with little foresight has just invented the self-replicating transistor. The surrounding few miles of sand are rapidly evolving into a series of bizarre alien intelligences.
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| gis delivers once again |
edited to reflect the fact that there are no fish in the silicon sea. WHAT WOULD THEY BREATHE
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